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What We Should Learn From Suzy Weiss and her Ridiculous Rant

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By now, anyone who has read/seen/heard about the op-ed piece that high school senior Suzy Weiss wrote in the Wall Street Journal has probably decided that she is entitled and maybe the reason she didn’t get into those Ivy League schools is that she’s kind of a jerk. The op-ed, which is an open letter to all of the schools she didn’t get into, is a rambling, offensive, racist, homophobic, white privileged, entitled rant from a hurt and angry young woman whose sister happens to have previously been an editor for the WSJ.

She says that Ivy League schools “lied to her”, saying that she should “just be [her]self”. Apparently, just being herself includes deriding her peers who have been raised in less advantaged circumstances, who have put in more time and effort than she in philanthropy, volunteerism, practicing fine arts, or who have minority racial or sexual identities. She says that her piece is “satire”, which leads me to believe that another reason she didn’t get into an Ivy League school is that she doesn’t know the meaning of satire, because the only folly or vice that she is exposing is her own self-centered naivete and white/straight/class privilege. Following this story has made me truly wonder why responsible adults in her life and those working at the WSJ did not intervene by telling her to pick her complaining, egotistical self up off of the floor, learn to accept failure and rejection, and by the way, to chill out with the racist and homophobic comments.

But now here is the ugly truth: I was not so different from Suzy Weiss, back in 2006. I was a smart, white girl, top of my class, great SAT scores (same as Suzy’s, coincidentally), and a good dose of artistic, extracurricular, and volunteer involvement. I may have actually had a more impressive resume than Suzy. I got rejected from Brown and Harvard in one day.  I cried really hard at my high school musical rehearsal. I ripped up the rejection letters. I cried in the guidance counselor’s office, where sentiments such as “I can’t believe Ashley didn’t get into Brown” were heard from well-meaning white women. I was pretty unimpressed when I found out who did get in. And I’m not proud of it, but I listed some of the same racist, privileged reasons that Suzy did in her tirade. These feelings were corroborated by my equally racist family and friends, and even some of my faculty.

It’s a pretty ugly story, and it reminds me constantly of how crucial it is to educate white students about social justice. I was a good kid, and Suzy Weiss probably is, too, although she looks like a real asshole right now. Suzy Weiss and I were in the same boat.  The difference between me and Suzy is that I don’t know anyone who works at a national news outlet, and I wasn’t encouraged to publicly broadcast my misguided anger to the nation. My frustrations were entertained for a while by the adults in my life, but then they helped me hold a mirror up to how lucky I was. I had two full tuition offers; seriously, what right did I have to be angry?

So the problem with the Suzy Weiss situation is not that she felt that way when she got rejected from her dream schools. Thousands and thousands of students feel that way. Thousands of students who cross the thresholds of many of our outstanding public and private but not quite Ivy League institutions every year feel exactly that way. Young, privileged, entitled white kids are raised to feel that way.  I felt that way, and now I’m an outspoken social justice educator who wrote a research paper in defense of race-based affirmative action.

The problem is that Suzy Weiss was allowed to take her feelings to a national stage and given license to disguise them as satire. The key here is that there is someone there when these kids fail and get rejected to help them lean into the discomfort of failure and learn from it, to examine how their privileged assumptions are not facts, but are myths of a racist, sexist, classist, heteronormative America. As educators, we can help these students reach their full potential by making them look at their own privilege, supporting them as they learn through failure and rejection, and helping them to learn about the world beyond their previous assumptions. Is it unconventional to ask you, college educators, to take a risk on privileged white kids like Suzy Weiss? Kind of. The Suzy Weisses of the Class of 2017 are going to do just fine in college, but we can help them do better in life. Educating white students about social justice, making them allies, showing them their privilege, teaching them humility and how to struggle–this is part of the big picture of how we use higher education to make our society better, how we bring up the next generation of adults who raise their children to think twice about their own experiences and the world around them.

Why Lean In is Worth Reading and Talking About

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I recently finished reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In, which received much attention in the media up to its release, and has inspired a good deal of coverage of topics related to women and work in the past week or so. I actually preordered a Kindle copy so that I would be able to read it immediately upon its release last Monday (which is something I’ve never actually done before). I have to admit, because of the amount of attention it is getting, and my own enthusiasm, I was actually expecting to be totally let down by the book. I even thought that there was a good chance that I would be angered by it. But I wasn’t. I liked it, felt that it was an important addition to the conversation (or lack of conversation) on this topic, and it felt genuine and balanced. The book is often based in and inspired by her personal experiences, but there is a strong dose of research and statistics supporting her assertions. Not for nothing, but Gloria Steinem advised her while she was writing. So that deserves some credit.

Sandberg’s approach is careful not to go too far to advance any certain agenda of forcing women to do certain things with their careers, personal lives, or both. Many news stories have taken up the question of whether Sandberg is telling women to lean in too much to their careers, with an accusatory implication that she is trying to run others’ lives without acknowledging her privilege. I’m afraid that everyone involved in those stories might not have read the book or talked to Sandberg. She consistently repeats the message that every path is different, that no two relationships, careers, or lives are the same, nor should women be compared to each other or made to feel guilty or demeaned, especially by other women.

Sandberg advocates for change at the individual level; she acknowledges that the system and the individual pose a chicken and egg conundrum (women will fix things when we become leaders…but how are we supposed to create a critical mass of women leaders without things being fixed?) and chooses to push individuals to create change in their own lives. I take no issue with this stance, as it recognizes that we need to do both, that we can’t do one without the other, and that we definitely can’t do nothing.

What is most interesting about the discord over this book, and in general, over pushing for equity in our careers and in our homes between partners, is that the very systemic and social factors that drive the inequity are those which drive the negative feedback. This is hardly surprising for anyone who has studied privilege and oppression or critical feminist or race theory. Of course the system responds to dialogue that challenges the status quo by defending the status quo. Duh. That’s how the system works to keep oppressing. What can be confusing is that women are often the most vocal critics of suggestions like the ones Sandberg makes.

Again, this is not altogether surprising to those who have spent much time thinking about privilege and oppression. It’s a little thing called internalized oppression, and it’s one of the reasons that systems of privilege and oppression work so well. The oppressed are socialized to believe the same messages as the privileged. When a woman gets upset at another woman for dismantling the status quo, it’s because dismantling the status quo shakes things up for everyone, regardless of which side of the oppression you are on. So when women cry out against what Sandberg is saying, its incredibly ironic and also entrenched in the oppressive system. Firstly, they are trying to take down another woman, minimizing her credibility, attacking her success, and ostracizing her from the community of women. Secondly, they are coming from a place in which their own experiences are socialized to normalize the status quo of male hegemonic power that Sandberg is calling out. This is so harmful because mostly, people will say “Well these other women seem to see a problem with this, so they are probably right–now I can return to my comfort zone”. Everyone, of course, has the right to make whatever choices they like; the problem with that is that what we “like” is what we are socialized to like, want, feel, and do.

There is no essential part of any of us that indicates “I’m going to become a corporate lawyer” or “I’m going to become a Vice President of a university” or “I’m going to stay at home with my two kids”. There is also no biologically essential part that says “I can/can’t speak up in this meeting” or “I can/can’t seek a promotion”. This is not in our DNA. It’s biological essentialism and it just doesn’t hold up, because those messages are all socially constructed throughout our lives. We are a complete product of our environments with regard to social behavior. There are some things that are biologically true: women can give birth and men can’t; women can nurse a baby, which has some real health benefits. But we’re really past the point where that should be limiting women to only serving those roles. The reality is that these messages do real harm to women, limiting their earning power, limiting their sense of social freedom and fulfillment, leaving them in sometimes impossible situations if they get divorced or leave a partner, and consistently perpetuating a status quo in which women are less than–quantitatively less than in terms of salary and representation in leadership positions–than men.

What I truly appreciate about Sandberg is that she is targeting a mainstream audience. And not only does she want to do so in a theoretical sense with what she has written, but she has also worked to establish an accessible and intentional system of practice in everyday life through the Lean In Circles she promotes on leanin.org. She’s is not just talking the talk, she is walking the walk, and hoping to help others do the same. Sandberg is not writing for those who already have a strong understanding of feminist theory or the reasons women are held back in careers; but if you do understand and are passionate about this topic, it’s worth listening in and raising your voice up. Change is made when radical ideas become less radical and start to create the new normal.

“Actually, I’m a professional staff member…”

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Oh, the plight of a new professional in ResLife: everyone thinks I’m an undergrad. And by everyone, I mean mostly the students and parents who arrived this weekend. My staff gets it for obvious reasons. Really, though, it’s tough to be 24, live on a college campus (in a residence hall), and not be mistaken for an undergrad.

Several well-meaning parents asked me this weekend “So what year are you?”, at which point I explained to them that I am actually a professional staff member with a master’s degree and I oversee all of the student staff, programming, student conduct, etc in these buildings. One mother told me “Oh, well that’s a cool job; you’re a full time staff member and everything?”

Ugh. Yes. And everything. I get paid, even. I have benefits. I have an advanced degree! I know what I’m doing! It’s really tough not to be frustrated with these kinds of questions. Students are equally confused when I shake their hand and say “Hi, I’m Ashley, I’m your Hall Director”. One senior even said “Wait, really? How old are you?” ( I think lots of students have a crazy moment when they shift from the assumption that I was a peer to the knowledge that I am a professional. They realize that they can’t be friends with me/hit on me/go out to a bar with me, etc. It really throws them for a loop).

Students were particularly surprised when I was playing volleyball with several RAs and residents tonight (I was wearing gym clothes and none of the typical “HD” markers like a polo or nametag). I almost felt guilty, like I was going incognito by wearing gym shorts and then introducing myself later. I felt weird about acting my age, and nearly didn’t tell the student who asked me how old I was. But I did tell him that I’m 24. Because I am.

I’m 24; I have a master’s degree, and I’m their Hall Director. I decided what I wanted to do with my life when I was their age and I’m thrilled every day about the job I have now. I’m qualified for my position and that doesn’t mean that I’m always going to be sitting in my office wearing dress clothes. I’m going to be part of the community that I oversee, as a role model for good behavior, integrity, and experience in the college environment.

So yeah, I look a lot like my students. And parents, you look a lot like my parents. But really, I know what I’m doing here. This is my real job. Trust me; I’m a professional.

How have you dealt with difficulties in perception of age and experience as a new professional?

5 Things I Learned In My Last Semester of Grad School

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Now that I’ve FINALLY made it through this semester and I’m equipped with a new job and a master’s degree, it seems like a good time to look back and reflect on what was pretty much the most whirlwind four months of my life. There are many things that I have learned over the past two years, but I feel that this semester held some particularly important personal and professional learning for me. Here are my top 5 lessons:

Lesson #1: Grad school is not supposed to give you answers; it’s supposed to give you questions

I am hoping, at least, that this is true. Because I have a thousand more questions than I did when I started grad school. I do have answers, mind you. There are a great many things I have learned and skills I have acquired; I have the ability to make better decisions, solve more problems, be more helpful to students and to my institution, and I have a more developed understanding of higher education and institutions of higher education. But along the way, with every answer, I have picked up at least a few new questions.

Most significant of these questions is the way in which I have begun to interrogate student development theory this semester. It’s funny to think that little more than a year ago, I was trying to absorb all that I could about the foundations of the field, but I am now at a crossroads where, under the influence of feminist theory, critical race theory, disability theory, and personal experience, I have begun to unravel the ideas of development, identity, and the self. It’s invigorating and terrifying, but I’m glad to be here.

Lesson #2: You have to open yourself  up to change

In January, I decided that my #oneword2012 would be CHANGE. And let me tell you, it’s a good thing I got on board with that concept. Life is so much more rewarding and enriching when  you construct your reality in terms of flexibility and possibilities. Being open to change means always allowing yourself to contemplate what is possible rather than what simply is. Furthermore, this mindset allows you to roll with the punches of life, to see challenges as opportunities, to constantly shift, recreate, and reinvigorate. Am I always 100% in this mindset? Not even close. But it’s a goal, and thinking differently is where it begins.

Lesson #3: Don’t compromise on sleep

So maybe I stole this one from Arianna Huffington. But let me just say that I get at least 8 hours of sleep every night. Non-negotiable except in extenuating circumstances. Hand in hand with this lesson is a sub-lesson: don’t try to do all of your important work when you are exhausted. I used to burn the midnight oil in undergrad all the time. I sometimes do it now out of necessity. As a result, I talked myself into the idea that I’m a “night person”. False! All I really want to do after 10pm is watch “Iron Chef America” and go to bed. I don’t want to write papers, which means that I should do that at times when I’m actually productive, like the morning and afternoon.

A big part of this lesson occurred when I stopped drinking Diet Coke in February. I stopped in the name of Lent but haven’t had any Diet Coke since then. I still drink coffee and iced tea regularly, so I haven’t cut caffeine out of my life, but I’m pretty sure I was using Diet Coke as an artificially-sweetened crutch to prop me up during the most hectic days. So no more Diet Coke at 9pm. I’m just going to go to bed. And I’m going to wake up earlier and be more productive.

Lesson #4: Assume good intent

This is a constant exercise in thoughtfulness. I don’t really think that we are a “benefit of the doubt” society, but think about how incredibly horrible it is to live our lives ready to pin the blame on someone else instead of trying to understand what happened. When problems are everyone’s fault, it’s easier to solve them because no one is exerting energy trying to make anyone else feel like crap. I honestly believe this. Just trying to be nice to people, talking behind each others backs less, and putting yourself in the other person’s shoes makes your life a lot more pleasant and less stressful.

Lesson #5: Plan for the future, but live in the moment

I’m sort of a planner. And by sort of, I mean that I have a plan for everything. I could probably write a Standard Operating Procedures Manual and Continuity of Operations Plan for my life in general (that might give me added peace of mind, in fact). You get the point though. I think that planning for the future is really important and will always feel this way. For example, I made a plan this year to improve my financial management, which I feel was successful and very important.

Sometimes, though, YOU CAN’T PLAN. I mean this in a few ways. Firstly, however extensively I plan for any given thing, there’s a pretty decent chance it’s going to get shot right to hell by factors completely out of my control (perhaps this is why I need a COOP). At any rate, life happens. You have to think on your feet. Secondly, I mean that sometimes factors out of your control are unknowable to you for any given amount of time. This is pretty much how the job search process felt. The ambiguity in my near future was dizzying; it was kind of like looking forward to the summer and seeing some vague blurry shapes that hadn’t materialized yet.

So what can you do? Try to make out those future shapes and forget about the clear picture around you right now? I don’t recommend that approach. I have, in the past, been guilty of not realizing what I’ve got right in front of me and around me because I’m trying so hard to focus on the future. You can miss a whole lot of your life doing this. So have a plan, be ready for the future, set yourself up as well as you can, but please, please take time to enjoy getting there.

Holy Grad School, Batman!

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I’ve been preparing myself for how incredibly busy this last semester of grad school was going to be pretty much since I started last year. I knew, somewhere deep inside that place in my stomach where anxiety sleeps, that a full course load, my assistantship, advising, and job searching were going to steamroll me.

But I didn’t really understand until it happened. I was trying to schedule watching a movie with my friends today (not even in a theater, a DVD), and during every day and time that they suggested, I need to be doing homework. My job search process has blissfully wound down (more details at another time), but that time has certainly been replaced by the number of events and programs I need to plan and attend in the next few weeks. I’ll turn in my last assignment and presentation on the DAY of my graduate recognition ceremony, just hours before I’m hooded.

It appears that the final weeks of graduate school are going to progress much in the same vein as every other end-of-semester rush for me. Nose to the grindstone and don’t stop for air until May 5.

But let me tell you; on May 5, I’m probably going to start realizing how much I’m going to miss it.

What about when there is no homework?

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I was on Klout.com earlier this week, checking up on how much klout I have, who I’m influencing, whether I’ve earned any good free stuff lately, etc. And alas, while I was there, I discovered that Klout thinks I am influential about a new topic: HOMEWORK.

That’s right, the internet knows how much homework I do. This caused me to reflect on a few things. Firstly, I’m sorry to everyone who has read all of my Facebook and Twitter posts about homework in the past year and a half (and by year and a half, I mean…6 years or so). Klout did not explicitly tell me this, but I think that my influence in this area has a lot to do with complaining. The second thought that went through my mind was how I am about to become completely non-influential about homework in approximately 3 months.

I’m not concerned about the latter part because I am going to lose my chances of getting a Subaru snuggie or some other prize from Klout, but because I am going to be confused as all get out when I don’t have homework. I have a historically love-hate relationship with homework. Before I even had real homework as a child, I used to play school with my sister and give her take home assignments to complete and turn in. I don’t know that she could actually write at this time, so it was rather pointless, but there is something about the act of producing and synthesizing a product based on the knowledge you are supposed to be attaining in a class (and getting validated, especially) that I just love.

Sadly, I’m also a classic procrastinator. I think that I actually get more validation for a job well done when I completed it in an inhuman amount of time. I’ve always been the last minute writer who churns out A’s. I’m not saying this to make enemies, but to illustrate my point. Homework is a major part of my life. Writing those papers is represents a series of quantifiable, validating landmarks in my life that says “Hey, look, you’re doing something! Go you!”

So when the new Fall semester rolls around, I think that at first I am going to celebrate my new-found non-student status like a kid in a candy store. But once I’m done stuffing my face with nonpareils and gummy candies in the shape of bugs, I may be a little bit (a lot) bored. (That was metaphorical, but if anyone wants to send me a graduation gift, those are some of my favorite candies)

So starting now, I’m taking suggestions on what to do in my non-homework grown up life. So please, give me a hand on this one, folks.

Job Searching: Like an Extra Job that I Don’t Get Paid For (Yet)

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My Google Calendar looks like a game of Tetris. I’m fairly convinced that the beginning of spring semester is so terribly busy because everyone at any given institution is refreshed, renewed, and ready to delegate, collaborate, (and by February, commiserate). January and February are a Student Affairs marathon: RA Recruitment and Selection, major new programs, events, and initiatives, recruitment for many student groups, presentations, conferences, retreats, grad program interview days, and so much more.

Don’t get me wrong, I down right love this stuff. I’m a human interaction junkie. But we all know that this time of year is completely exhausting. I am going to wake up some morning in March and have a student engagement hangover (this is characterized by a mild sinus infection and the sudden realization that I have an annotated bibliography due in 2 days).

And this year, for kicks, Job Searching has been tossed into the milieu of my life. Okay, it’s not really for kicks, it’s because I’m graduating and would very sincerely love to have gainful employment and a place to live.

THE JOB SEARCH (this is how I think of it, in all capital letters, also it’s in Sean Connery’s voice in my head) takes a considerable amount of time. Cover letters don’t write themselves? I can’t get a text alert every time a new job is posted? Whoopsies! If only this were the case, I wouldn’t be job searching during breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But one month into THE JOB SEARCH, I am determined to be aggressive and invest as much time as possible, because this is really my future. Dual job searching makes things even more lovely and amusing; I am seriously considering putting a map up on the wall and noting his and hers application locations. At least I feel that my prioritizing and organizational skills gained during grad school have prepared me to orchestrate an intense job search.

Perhaps the silver lining is that I’m still very optimistic; after all, it’s still a bit early for rejections.

About Me

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I am a graduate student Higher Education and Assistant Community Coordinator for Residence Life at the University of Maine. I am interested in orientation and new student programs, residential education, first year student development, and diversity and social justice on college campuses, specifically related to social justice ally development, access to higher education, and transition and retention of traditionally underrepresented students.

I am also an active member of the National Association for Student Personnel Administrators (NASPA), as a Graduate Associate, Region I Conference intern, and member of the Maine Association for Student Affairs Professionals.  I enjoy sharing my love of the profession with aspiring undergraduates, increasing awareness of professional opportunities, and sharing knowledge with my peers.

I am a native Rhode Islander and adopted Mainer with a love for cooking, college hockey, and the outdoors. I am a proud Gamma Sigma Sigma alumna and a Black Bear at heart. My philosophy in life is to ask myself every day if I have helped someone.

This blog is the next step in my goal to use the online world to the best of my abilities in my work. I have gained incredibly from the online Student Affairs Communities on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr, and I am excited to take the next step with an official website of my own.

So, should you choose to follow my adventures here, what will you find? I can promise lots of insights about change and transition, loosely detailed chronicles of my job searching, musings on social justice, privilege, and oppression, the trials and tribulations of residence life and working with first year students, and anything else higher ed that crosses my path. A bit of a grab bag, isn’t it? You can’t blame me, though, because I’m the new kid. I’m still figuring this all out!